Things I have learned: (in no particular order)
When you attend a parent-baby group, people do not want to know your name, your profession or your marital status. Instead they want to know; how old your baby is, what other baby groups you attend and your position on any of the following - cloth diapers, home births, breast feeding or attachment parenting.
You can survive on much less sleep than you think. Survival is all relative, however. You will cry at inopportune moments, have rage blackouts about who's turn it is to wash nappies, dream up conspiracy theories about people who glance at you on the street and think about running away.
You won't necessarily love your baby right away. In fact, you may think of them as a fleshy source of pain and frustration for about 6 weeks. Apparently, you will eventually love them and they will become the greatest source of joy in your life, but I'm still waiting on this. She's pretty cute though. And she's starting to smile when I smile at her, not just when she's farting.
You should definitely try and have kids in the city where you have family. Your friends will be a great source of kindness and comfort, but they are no substitute for people you can scream at while topless and leaking milk, then collapse onto them crying, then ask them to do laundry. And they will love your baby from day one, setting a good example for you.
You can shoot a jet of milk up to 2 feet if you've built up enough pressure. How To: 1) Delay feeding for 4 hours. 2) Hold crying child near you with shirt off. 3) Grab your breast and aim at target approximately two feet away. 4) Write your name if you're feeling creative!
So. I am a parent. I am eternally grateful for my medical friends who already have babies, cos there is no bullshit there. Everyone says it sucks, everyone is kind when I text them at 4am offering to sell them a baby (slightly used).
I am also grateful for Mr G, who is willing to trade places with me - I so want to go back to work where I am the boss, where I can talk to people, where I have some structure and idea of what I'm doing. He just wants to look after our little poop-tube and watch her grow and learn and become a person.
So. At 7 weeks, this is where we are. I am supposed to start studying for my exam this coming Monday. I am also supposed to start Mommy & Me classes to teach Bub to read. It's all happening.
