I am going to move back to Canada next year.
There, I said it.
This weekend, the "Junior Doctors Jobs List" came out in the paper. My lovely friends were actually on the cover, and their smiling faces shone out at me as I sat in my Warrnambool brunch joint, eating hotcakes.
I thought, "I can't leave Australia! I have so many great friends here! I have a fantastic working environment! I like my co-workers and my lifestyle! Plus everyone's so good-looking!"
Anxiety began to gnaw at my stomach, detracting from the cinnamon-infused marscapone and toasted walnuts. My wonderful friends were, at that exact moment, driving 3 hours to come and visit me in my blissful sea-side town. How could I walk away from such a beautiful happy life?
Answer: ...um...
I think it's time. That's all I can say. I love my life here, which is why I can leave with a clear conscience. I'm not leaving cos I never settled in, I'm not leaving cos I'm fleeing an unhappy relationship or bad job. I can honestly say that I am 94% happy with my life here, so it's time to go.
"It all boils down to one portable phrase; if you love something, give it away."
Next up: 12 months of unemployment, anxiety and Canadian Medical Council Examinations. Gun-to-temple stuff. Bear with.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
HTFU
Everybody dies.
More specifically, everyone I look after seems to die.
This weekend had a combined death toll of 3, which doesn't sound that high, but... When you think that on Friday you were chatting to all these people, holding their hands and taking their blood and telling them, "We'll try and make you better", it becomes chilling.
Emergency was busy this weekend; at one point we had 4 young men in cervical collars - motorcycles are a bad idea. I dealt with TWO kids under 14 who had been riding motorcyles and crashed.
We also had an acute trauma where a Dad & daughter combo (on another motorcycle, natch) collided with a kangaroo. Guess who won?
And finally, a gentleman who said his biggest issue was that he couldn't pee. He looked a little blue in the lips, but I took him at his word and put a catheter in. Then he crashed. We revived him. He crashed. We revived him. We got him well enough to go to the ward. He crashed again today. "CPR, done right, should break a few ribs". Indeed. I broke ribs. He still died.
Luckily, there's no time for introspection on the job. We washed our hands and walked back out to wards; I got a little teary, but finished the ward round. As they say down in ED: "HTFU Sam."
Harden the F**K up. In the meantime, coffee, head down and power through.
More specifically, everyone I look after seems to die.
This weekend had a combined death toll of 3, which doesn't sound that high, but... When you think that on Friday you were chatting to all these people, holding their hands and taking their blood and telling them, "We'll try and make you better", it becomes chilling.
Emergency was busy this weekend; at one point we had 4 young men in cervical collars - motorcycles are a bad idea. I dealt with TWO kids under 14 who had been riding motorcyles and crashed.
We also had an acute trauma where a Dad & daughter combo (on another motorcycle, natch) collided with a kangaroo. Guess who won?
And finally, a gentleman who said his biggest issue was that he couldn't pee. He looked a little blue in the lips, but I took him at his word and put a catheter in. Then he crashed. We revived him. He crashed. We revived him. We got him well enough to go to the ward. He crashed again today. "CPR, done right, should break a few ribs". Indeed. I broke ribs. He still died.
Luckily, there's no time for introspection on the job. We washed our hands and walked back out to wards; I got a little teary, but finished the ward round. As they say down in ED: "HTFU Sam."
Harden the F**K up. In the meantime, coffee, head down and power through.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Faux pas
I get flashes where I realise I am completely out of touch with reality.
Today there was a MET call (medical emergency) on my ward. I skulked over to the appropriate room to find the full contingent of Warrnambool's finest all inserting drips, taking notes, getting drugs...in short, running the MET call perfectly. I took a look at the patient, who had copious red blood pouring from his anus, along with large chunky clots. I asked the senior doctor, "Do you need me for this?" and when he said "No" (they had it under control), I went back upstairs and finished my lunch.
Other similar moments of unreality?
- telling a patient, "Oh, good news! You just have to have your carotids stripped and then you'll be better!" Patient looked at me and said, "Sorry, did you just tell me I need to have major surgery on the blood vessels to my brain? Cos it sounded like you said "Good News"."
- telling the same patient, "We got you a slot in today's vascular surgery lineup!" and attempting to high-five him. He was not impressed.
- walking into a woman's room and saying, "Now, I've just got to put my finger in your bum, but don't worry, it'll only take two seconds and then you can get back to your afternoon tea".
Seriously. What the hell has happened to me? I've become one of those doctors you read about in "Why I hate hospitals" columns. But I'm also getting a lot better at my job. That's a scary inverse relationship.
Today there was a MET call (medical emergency) on my ward. I skulked over to the appropriate room to find the full contingent of Warrnambool's finest all inserting drips, taking notes, getting drugs...in short, running the MET call perfectly. I took a look at the patient, who had copious red blood pouring from his anus, along with large chunky clots. I asked the senior doctor, "Do you need me for this?" and when he said "No" (they had it under control), I went back upstairs and finished my lunch.
Other similar moments of unreality?
- telling a patient, "Oh, good news! You just have to have your carotids stripped and then you'll be better!" Patient looked at me and said, "Sorry, did you just tell me I need to have major surgery on the blood vessels to my brain? Cos it sounded like you said "Good News"."
- telling the same patient, "We got you a slot in today's vascular surgery lineup!" and attempting to high-five him. He was not impressed.
- walking into a woman's room and saying, "Now, I've just got to put my finger in your bum, but don't worry, it'll only take two seconds and then you can get back to your afternoon tea".
Seriously. What the hell has happened to me? I've become one of those doctors you read about in "Why I hate hospitals" columns. But I'm also getting a lot better at my job. That's a scary inverse relationship.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
ouchie
Sunday morning in Warrnambool is a beautiful thing. I wake late and wander over to my local cafe for a latte & muffin. I am perched at the bar, powering through the Sunday papers when my yoga instructor waltzes in. She looks completely different out of class; gone is the severe bun, replaced with blonde bouffant and face full of slap (makeup). Next time she chastizes me for my impure life, I will not be afraid.
I'm working in the ED this weekend and it's reconfirmed how much I LOVE this job. It's not a big city hospital; you can't get xray after 5, you beg for ultrasound (probably wont get it unless your patient is spewing blood), and there is a distinct lack of senior staff. But the patients are great; yesterday being Saturday, I saw 5 footy players and 4 netball players, all with various fractures, bruises, sprains and bumps. They say today will be all Mother's Day related injuries- kids eating peanuts at the local restaurant and grannies collapsing after an exciting morning with the grandkids.
All in all, I'm looking forward to it. Plus, ten hour shifts FLY by. I couldn't believe it when they told me I was done last night. It felt like I'd just arrived.
It's also fun to work here cos everyone thinks I'm the local celebrity. "Canada! Wow! I love Canada, I've always wanted to go! Aren't you brave to come all this way..."
And I think, yes. Yes I am.
I'm working in the ED this weekend and it's reconfirmed how much I LOVE this job. It's not a big city hospital; you can't get xray after 5, you beg for ultrasound (probably wont get it unless your patient is spewing blood), and there is a distinct lack of senior staff. But the patients are great; yesterday being Saturday, I saw 5 footy players and 4 netball players, all with various fractures, bruises, sprains and bumps. They say today will be all Mother's Day related injuries- kids eating peanuts at the local restaurant and grannies collapsing after an exciting morning with the grandkids.
All in all, I'm looking forward to it. Plus, ten hour shifts FLY by. I couldn't believe it when they told me I was done last night. It felt like I'd just arrived.
It's also fun to work here cos everyone thinks I'm the local celebrity. "Canada! Wow! I love Canada, I've always wanted to go! Aren't you brave to come all this way..."
And I think, yes. Yes I am.
Friday, May 7, 2010
porn for women?
http://hotguysreadingbooks.tumblr.com/
Yes. Hot guys reading books. "Hot" is subjective, but who doesn't enjoy the literary type?
15 hours yesterday. 1 death, 2 getting shouted at, 3 psych committals. Just about to start 10 hours in ED. It's gonna be a bumpy weekend.
Yes. Hot guys reading books. "Hot" is subjective, but who doesn't enjoy the literary type?
15 hours yesterday. 1 death, 2 getting shouted at, 3 psych committals. Just about to start 10 hours in ED. It's gonna be a bumpy weekend.
Monday, May 3, 2010
just a small town girl...
I think Vancouver might be a small town. I've been really happy in Warrnambool, feeling really at home and comfortable in this environment, and the reasons are as follows:
- I can see the ocean from most windows on the second floor or higher
- I can get to a sea-side running track within ten minutes
- the whole city is green; grass, trees and flowers are everywhere
- people are, on the whole, friendly and pleasant
- the yoga here is as close to torture as is legally allowed
- I can wear sweats to the grocery store
- I don't feel guilty if I come home from work and chill out; (in Melbourne, I always feel like I should be going to hip bars, trying new restaurants, taking pole dancing classes, etc etc)
All these things are the things I love about Vancouver too; big city, small town feel. Of course, Vancouver has the drawbacks of a small town. I can't go for a manicure without running into the French teacher who hated me in grade eleven (Damn you Bourbonnais!). I would hang out primarily with people I've known since high school. I would eat nothing but sushi for the rest of my life...
Lots of things to consider. Lots on my mind - job applications will be due soon and one must ask herself, "What do I want from the next three years?"
- I can see the ocean from most windows on the second floor or higher
- I can get to a sea-side running track within ten minutes
- the whole city is green; grass, trees and flowers are everywhere
- people are, on the whole, friendly and pleasant
- the yoga here is as close to torture as is legally allowed
- I can wear sweats to the grocery store
- I don't feel guilty if I come home from work and chill out; (in Melbourne, I always feel like I should be going to hip bars, trying new restaurants, taking pole dancing classes, etc etc)
All these things are the things I love about Vancouver too; big city, small town feel. Of course, Vancouver has the drawbacks of a small town. I can't go for a manicure without running into the French teacher who hated me in grade eleven (Damn you Bourbonnais!). I would hang out primarily with people I've known since high school. I would eat nothing but sushi for the rest of my life...
Lots of things to consider. Lots on my mind - job applications will be due soon and one must ask herself, "What do I want from the next three years?"
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