Human orifices are lined with epithelial tissue. (In other words, there is wet stuff in your holes. )This "mucus membrane" acts as a barrier to infection. It has all kinds of defence mechanisms.
When you get sick, the mucus membrane kicks into action, producing "mucin", a polysaccharide complex that absorbs water. Snot, to y'all. This thick layer of snot prevents further viral particles from penetrating and sloughs existing particles away.
As a side note, polysaccharide is a fancy word for "complex sugar molecule", which is why snot tastes vaguely sweet. Ask any 3 year old.
Why discuss this rather intemperate subject?
Cos I have been vacuuming snot out of my lovely daughter's nostrils with a hose-pipe connected to my mouth.
We have walked on the moon, we hold the world's knowledge in a pocket-sized computer, but we still haven't figured out how to get boogers out of tiny nostrils. This is a problem.
Babies can only breathe through their nostrils (mouth-breathing is a sadly acquired trait) and when those nostrils are blocked, they stop eating and sleeping. You may not realise this, but eating and sleeping are the only things babies want to do, hence the snot-vacuum. It's a little bulb that inserts into her nose (she loves this about as much as you would) and connects to a flexible straw. The straw connects to my lips. To prevent liquid mucus from entering my mouth, a thin paper "filter" is poked between bulb and straw. It works about 40% of the time.
I shove the bulb in and start hyperventilating so I can generate as much suction as possible without passing out. A chunk materialises in the bulb, Bub's cries get clearer (and LOUDER) and then we calm her by poking a nipple in her mouth. Mine, for what it's worth.
The past few days, I've been repeating this procedure every 2 hours. Bub hates it, I hate it and Mr G gets queasy just watching. The glamour and reward of parenting.
Makes me nostalgic for work, where the suction is connected to the wall, and I rarely get bitten after making someone feel better.
PS: Yes, I'm spelling it mucus. Mucus is the substance. Mucous means "pertaining to, or related to mucus". Look it up.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
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