Blip!

Anaesthetics has previously been described as 98% boredom, 2% disaster.
This is apt.

However, this is also a perfect description for weekend call on Internal Medicine. I spent my morning scrolling through bloodwork results, checking vital signs, writing succinct notes to demonstrate due diligence and thinking about afternoon tea. It was dry, mind-numbing work, but I powered through and got it done.

Finally, I got my chai latte & rice-krispie square (delightful!) and sat down for 15 minutes of well deserved rest.

My pager went off.

"Patient desaturated to 75%, not responsive, please come ASAP"

The next 2.5 hours are lost in a blur of suctioning, blood gases, sternal rubs, compressions and ultimately, begging the ICU doctor to take my patient to a safe place. That is, a place he can be intubated.

I stumbled back into the Doctor's lounge and was surprised to find my latte was cold. I was drenched in sweat. My hands are still shaking. I have 22 unanswered pages.

Internal Medicine: 90% paperwork, 10% shit hitting fan.

0% afternoon tea.

Joy!*

I have been dreading my family medicine clinic all week; I haven't seen my patients in a MONTH and I was expecting an afternoon of drear, gloom and complaints about life.

I got giggly babies, fetal heart rates, happy chat with my mentally challenged patient (she has a new boyfriend who is really really nice to her and takes her on bike rides) and a new installment of the "My Weird Penis" show. (This week's contestant had surgery to have small plastic lumps inserted under his penile skin "to give ladies pleasure". I don't know if he meant my irrepressible mirth, but it certainly worked.)

I have but 2.5 weeks of internal medicine to go. Yes, it's a hellish slog that sucks joy from my life and colour from my cheeks, but it has it's benefits. Specifically, it forces me to appreciate my career choice.

So, yes! Bring me your tired. Your back pain. Your poopy babies and your sore knees. Your weird rashes and your dribbly genitals. Bring it all, bring it on! I love my job!

*It should be noted that I consumed an entire jar of leftover frosting before composing this post. FYI.

Truth!

My dentist thinks I'm awesome. In fact, he thinks my life and my choices are so awesome that he would like me to sit down with his 13 year old daughter and give her life advice. If I hadn't had 17 steel pointy things embedded in my gums, I might have laughed at this.

I've been home (on vacation) for 3 days. I wake up reaching for my pager. Friends ask me how work is going and I tell them I'm dead inside. My "hilarious anecdotes" of time on the wards are met with silence. All I want is to sleep, but I am too anxious to relax. Would wish this life on a 13 year old?

I will admit, there are aspects of the job that I like. I like working with people. I like looking for clues about what's wrong, then testing my hypothesis with treatment. I like when I get it right. I like figuring out where I'm going wrong. I like the adrenaline of Code Blues. I like the warm fuzzies of family meetings. I like the camaraderie of Team Medicine. BUT I would like it to happen in manageable, 12 hour stretches, with ample rest and recuperation in between.

Anyways, my life advice for 13 year old girls (me) would be:
- If you can do it for 3 hours in a row without noticing time pass, it's a passion.
- If it makes you feel stronger, smarter and more engaged with the world around you, keep doing it.
- If it gets in the way of your hobbies and you feel stressed, stop doing it.
- Don't worry too much about finding boys/girls/romance.The bad ones are passive and hard work and will exhaust you. The good ones will find you and make your life more fun.
- Don't let your parents tell you what you like. Don't let your friends tell you what you like. You are the only one who has to live with your choices, and no matter what you choose, you'll end up annoying someone. Don't let it be you.

Presumably she (I) would roll her eyes at me. Then I would take her out for a blizzard, buy her clothes her parents won't like and tell her to call me anytime.