I miss residency.
Alas, I am not joking. I don't miss the mandatory shift hours, the scut work or having to run every decision by someone subjectively senior to you.
What I miss is the feedback.
After every shift, I want someone to go through my list of patients and say, "You know, you could have done this better, but overall, you did a good job tonight"...
I realised this at the end of my second solo night shift. (Yep, just me, in charge of the whole ER, through a long and hectic night).
As I was leaving, a nurse grabbed me.
"Doctor, you've written a prescription for the kid in room 3?"
"Yes!" I cheerily replied.
"Yeah, you've written it on the chart for room 6..."
I groaned, tore up the script and made a joke about how I wouldn't be safe to drive home, as my brain was all goopy. The nurse smiled politely, but then, as I was leaving said, "You're doing a good job".
I stopped, frozen in place. "Sorry?"
"You're doing a good job! Have a good sleep."
The words were like pure chocolate, a rush of warmth and sugar and support and validation and...
And that's when I realised. I miss residency. I need external validation, which grownups don't get. So yes, maybe I'll go back to school. That critical care fellowship looks appealing. Just another 5 years of school???
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