I was wrong.

You've heard of people who, after a lengthy jail sentence, refuse to leave prison when their time is up. They resist the change. The lack of structure. The total, terrifying freedom. The loss of social status that comes from being in a known environment.

I think that was me. For the first 4 weeks of my medical leave, I was terrified. Furious at all the free time, the lack of purpose. Admittedly, I was still spending a fair amount of time with my head in a bucket (old bluey), but when I felt well, I was crazed with anxiety.

Now, at week 8, I've hit my stride. I understand all those people who say they'd like more free time. Everything that needs to be done gets done in a timely fashion. I filed our taxes, early. I've booked our movers, cancelled the bills and found boxes, early. I'm writing my research paper, due next March. All of this is interspersed with long walks in the sunshine, yoga & lots of fancy cooking. I am so happy.

This is trouble, for the following reasons:
1. I'm getting a taste for the housewife lifestyle. Like, starting to think about buying fancy yoga pants.

2. My life/future economic plan has been built on the idea that I will work as much as is humanly possible. If I get comfortable not working, we may never get out of Ontario. This is unacceptable.

3. I'm losing my ability to tolerate shift work/24 hour shifts. This skill has been built up over the last 4 years, and takes serious effort to maintain. When I go back to work in March, I will not be allowed to stop for "first nap" when the going gets tough.

4. I am still in total denial about being pregnant. Notice there is no mention of "buying baby clothes", "refreshing infant CPR skills" or "choosing nursery furniture" on the list of completed errands.

To illustrate #4: I was at yoga this morning and the instructor said, "Now, those ladies who are pregnant should not attempt the following pose". I didn't even pause; flopped onto my (now enormous) belly and pushed into cobra. I got an angry poke from the inside in response.

So. I'm 100% on board with the yummy mummy lifestyle, which is unsustainable.
I'm 100% in denial about the mummy part, which is irreversible.
I think I'm in trouble.