I get flashes where I realise I am completely out of touch with reality.
Today there was a MET call (medical emergency) on my ward. I skulked over to the appropriate room to find the full contingent of Warrnambool's finest all inserting drips, taking notes, getting drugs...in short, running the MET call perfectly. I took a look at the patient, who had copious red blood pouring from his anus, along with large chunky clots. I asked the senior doctor, "Do you need me for this?" and when he said "No" (they had it under control), I went back upstairs and finished my lunch.
Other similar moments of unreality?
- telling a patient, "Oh, good news! You just have to have your carotids stripped and then you'll be better!" Patient looked at me and said, "Sorry, did you just tell me I need to have major surgery on the blood vessels to my brain? Cos it sounded like you said "Good News"."
- telling the same patient, "We got you a slot in today's vascular surgery lineup!" and attempting to high-five him. He was not impressed.
- walking into a woman's room and saying, "Now, I've just got to put my finger in your bum, but don't worry, it'll only take two seconds and then you can get back to your afternoon tea".
Seriously. What the hell has happened to me? I've become one of those doctors you read about in "Why I hate hospitals" columns. But I'm also getting a lot better at my job. That's a scary inverse relationship.
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