Nope.

This is the stupidest day of my life.

Yesterday, I got up extra early to be in the cardiac cath lab for 7:45. There, I was scheduled to insert a large-bore femoral line into a man's groin. This is done in order to prepare me for emergency situations where urgent IV access is needed. I arrived, put on my new blue scrubs and introduced myself to the patient, the techs, the fellows et al. I helped set up the equipment. The head cardiologist arrived.

"Ehm, this patient is anticoagulated, so it might be a bit messy. Why don't you just watch this one?"

I smiled, nodded. It made sense. If the patient's blood is thinned (anticoagulated), there is greater risk for bruising and hematomas. I watched the fellow insert the lines, taking note of the smooth and gentle technique.

They were supposed to call me in the afternoon so I could insert the lines in a less complicated patient. They called me at 2:00pm.

"Um, the surgeon is scrubbed and they're starting the procedure. Did you still want to come watch?"

No.

Today, I was optimistic. Today, I would practice a valuable skill! Scrubs on, smile in place, I arrived bright and early.

"Today's patient is a bit complicated, perhaps you could watch the morning case and..."

I gritted my teeth, smiled.

I watched today's Fellow attempt the insertion. His technique was not unlike a jackhammer. He wiggled the needle back and forth in what could be best described as "vein-shredding fashion". I watched blood bubble out of the groin and bruises form in the patient's crotch.

The Cardiologist patted me on the shoulder. "Why don't you come back for this afternoon's case?"

I had to decline.

This afternoon, from 2-5, I was scheduled for Eye Enucleation training. That's where you remove the eyeballs from corpses so they can be used for transplant. I explained this to the cardiologist, who said, "Well, if we start early, we'll give you a call..."

No call.

I arrived, full of nervous anticipation (I am a regular anatomy-lab fainter), at 2pm. Then I checked the schedule. The class actually started at 3pm. I could have tried for another femoral line. I was annoyed, but consoled myself that at least I was missing one skill to learn another.

But. The cadavers were over-preserved. The Doc tried to pry the eyelids open and they just peeled off in her hands. We attempted to gently cut around the ligaments and little bits of stuff kept flying up like formaldehyde-scented confetti. The afternoon was a write-off.

The last 48 hours have been a useless mess. I feel like a useless, hot mess. I am going to drink a bottle of wine and get a sunburn, and celebrate my birthday in style.