choke

Well, it's happened. I've cried in front of the nursing staff.

Today was the first of two back-to-back 15 hour shifts, otherwise known as "weekend cover", a euphemism implying that I flit about the hospital smiling at the nurses, casting an eye on patients and generally, not treating anything too serious.

In reality, my patient's airway obstructed.

He's a guy waiting for an emergency stent of his bronchi (breathing tubes) cos a cancer is compressing them. His surgery was supposed to be this morning. It was bumped. It was supposed to happen at noon. It was bumped. Each time it got bumped, I reassured his wife and him that they shouldn't worry, he would be fine until the theatre became available.

Then he started making gagging noises. "Stridor" is the medical term for the sucking, wet snore that comes from obstructed airways. He was so loud I could hear him from the hallway. I called my boss who said, "Look, he's sounded bad before, don't worry too much." I took another look at the patient. Sweat was pouring from him, his rib cage taut with strain and he looked terrified. I called a MET.

In a way, its a good thing. You get lots of help, senior doctors come and tell you it's ok, the patient is whisked away to theatre.

The downside is that you're left on the ward with 110% adrenaline in your veins, and get a little bit teary. And then a nurse sees you and her face crumples with sympathy and she says, "Oh, don't worry sweetie..."

Suddenly you've lost the respect of the entire nursing staff. For the rest of day they give you pats on the shoulder, ask you how you're doing with "poor poppet" faces and try to feed you everywhere you go. (Ok, it's not all bad.)

Sheesh.

2.5 hours to go tonight. 15 tomorrow. Then back to the 12 hour days Monday.

I don't want to do this anymore, thank you.